Not sure what all the symptoms are, But I'm just waiting on black boils to appear someplace unpleasant. Started feeling it 2 days before Christmas. Come Christmas morning, I was sent back to bed by 11am. Slept a while and made half of dinner. Didn't think I was that close to death but, Loser took over and finished it.
I like to think I almost have it licked but holy crap. If I could get rid of the headache and cough, I would be able to get a good nights sleep. But OH NO! The universe has other plans. It will allow sleep, But not a peaceful one. Oh Hell No. I shall be awakened every hour or so with wheezing coughs that have the promise of something diseased coming out of my body but alas, I am to keep this demon in my chest.
Nothing. Not a damn thing. Can't sleep. Can't find anything to help with it. So Screw it! I'll just sit here and suffer. Go through another few rolls of toilet paper by blowing my nose and peeing on myself a little when I cough.
Everyone else? Oh, Are they ok? I think Loser coughed about 3 times and blew his nose once. Twatwaffles are just fine. No, It's just me. Quarantined to my bedroom again. Kinda, They let me out to cook.
*I think I feel a boil*
What are the other symptoms? I need a checklist. I'm pretty sure I have it now. Yeah, Pretty sure. GREAT! Just what I needed. *can we find someone to lance this please?*
4:30 in the freakin morning and I can't go to sleep. What the hell kinda crap is this? I don't even have to energy to yell at people right now. What's that going to do to my reputation?
Ah, Whatevs. I'll be back when I'm better
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Tis the freakin season.
So, it's that time again. Doesn't matter how many times you tell yourself "I'll have all my shopping done in July next year", It never happens. Never. Don't try and convince me otherwise. You'll be called out on your "Full Of Shitness".
Here it is. 3 days before the 25th and what have I bought? Nothing. That's right. Not a damn thing. Why you ask? Because try as I might, I can never seem to get it done.
No baking yet either. None. Not the first damn cookie. Why? Procrastination is what I like to call it. Others may call it lack of funds. I like going with the procrastination thing though. Makes me sound less poor.
Cuz, ya know. Life and shit.
HOWEVER! Tomorrow, All will be well. I plan on spending the next 2 days shopping, baking and wrapping my little ol heart out. Am I insane? Quite possibly. Will I regret this decision? Most defiantly. I have called in reinforcements though. I have countless leeches to do my bidding and a sister that has offered help. That's not to say I won't be draped over a kitchen counter with an empty bottle of wine or two rolling around on the floor while I nap with my face full of flour and cinnamon.
Me and Loser rarely get each other gifts for Christmas. Not because we don't want to but hey, We have 3 kind hearted, well mannered and deserving little wretches that we can shower with gifts showing our affection and watching their little eyes brighten for a fraction of a second before they throw the present that we so lovingly picked out, purchased and wrapped for them to the side. Probably forgotten until August.
In a nut shell, All of our money goes to them. All part of being a parent amirite?
Christmas Dinner should be fun. We usually sit down and decide what we are having for that year. This year it's Italian. Yes, I get to stay awake all of Christmas Eve wrapping presents. Our youngest barging through my bedroom door at around 6am. Make breakfast. Chill for a while. MAYBE get a nap. Then I get to saute garlic and tomatoes and cream and all that crap. Because, That's what I live for yo.
So, What am I expecting this year? Not a damn thing. Except a headache and copious amounts of alcohol cuz, It's not Christmas until someone is drunk and dancing on the coffee table.
Here it is. 3 days before the 25th and what have I bought? Nothing. That's right. Not a damn thing. Why you ask? Because try as I might, I can never seem to get it done.
No baking yet either. None. Not the first damn cookie. Why? Procrastination is what I like to call it. Others may call it lack of funds. I like going with the procrastination thing though. Makes me sound less poor.
Cuz, ya know. Life and shit.
HOWEVER! Tomorrow, All will be well. I plan on spending the next 2 days shopping, baking and wrapping my little ol heart out. Am I insane? Quite possibly. Will I regret this decision? Most defiantly. I have called in reinforcements though. I have countless leeches to do my bidding and a sister that has offered help. That's not to say I won't be draped over a kitchen counter with an empty bottle of wine or two rolling around on the floor while I nap with my face full of flour and cinnamon.
Me and Loser rarely get each other gifts for Christmas. Not because we don't want to but hey, We have 3 kind hearted, well mannered and deserving little wretches that we can shower with gifts showing our affection and watching their little eyes brighten for a fraction of a second before they throw the present that we so lovingly picked out, purchased and wrapped for them to the side. Probably forgotten until August.
In a nut shell, All of our money goes to them. All part of being a parent amirite?
Christmas Dinner should be fun. We usually sit down and decide what we are having for that year. This year it's Italian. Yes, I get to stay awake all of Christmas Eve wrapping presents. Our youngest barging through my bedroom door at around 6am. Make breakfast. Chill for a while. MAYBE get a nap. Then I get to saute garlic and tomatoes and cream and all that crap. Because, That's what I live for yo.
So, What am I expecting this year? Not a damn thing. Except a headache and copious amounts of alcohol cuz, It's not Christmas until someone is drunk and dancing on the coffee table.
Monday, December 5, 2011
11 Fun filled, GLORIOUS days.
Well, That was fun. Loser went back to work this morning after 11 days of being on vacation. 11 days. A week and a half. Now I know some people would say "That's not that long and at least you got to spend some great quality time with him." And those people are somewhat normal and that sounds logical to them. We have a "different" household and family dynamic.
Wednesday, Nov 23rd. He comes home from work at around 5:30pm. "THE START OF MY VACATION!"
At 10pm I look at him in his chair and he is swinging his foot and tapping his fingers. Not even 6 hours in and he's getting twitchy. He polished 2 pairs of boots that night. He was still in his uniform! All of this while I'm preparing Thanksgiving Dinner for the next day.
The next morning approaches and I start cooking. Thanksgiving like any other. Just me, him and the twatwaffles this year. Everything came out fantastic. My turkey actually tasted like food and not a white piece of cardboard that you had to smother in gravy.
We ate kind of late that day because, well, I wanted to eat at a normal time and not just have dinner at 2pm. By 7pm, He's ASLEEP on the couch. Now, any other day this wouldn't bother me but this is freakin Thanksgiving and there is a tree to get up! Yeah, I did that by myself.
The day after around here is put aside for a trip to the zoo. We don't do shopping because, Well, I don't want to wrestle a 70 year old woman for a freakin doily to go on my coffee table. It's not worth it to me. Me, Loser and the twatwaffles take off. We have a membership for the zoo so it's much easier through the year. A fairly uneventful vacation so far right? Just hang on to your seats, It gets better.
The next day, We went fishing. I love fishing. However, It was a bit warm that day and there were so many mosquitos that I think I caught west nile before I even cast my line. There I am, Sitting in my chair. Catching fish and woops. Gotta tinkle. In the woods. My ass caught bird flu. Made a little fire so the smoke would keep the skeeters away, ate turkey sammiches and drank a cooler full of tea. It was a fantastic day.
Sunday passed with nothing really happening. Fried chicken it is. Monday it rained and brought a cold front along so it was an inside day. Tuesday! Cold temps and more fishing! No bugs! Small fire to keep us warm and.....MAKE COFFEE IN THE WOODS! "How did you do that?" You ask? WELLLLL I'll tell you. Not having a percolater made things a little tricky but, We're resourceful and shit. First, Get a quart mason jar with the ring,Coffee filter and coffee. Like this
Then you boil your water all crafty like, Like this.
Now, Pour your water over the coffee and Bob's your uncle, COFFEE!!!! Great day of fishing in cold temps, Staying by the fire and chilling wif ma peeps.
Wednesday, we were going to go fishing again, However, Home improvements began. It became one of those In with a whisper type things. Went shopping for a few things. And spent the rest of the day talking about what we were going to do. Cleaning out the laundry room because the floor needed to be replaced and discussing paint colors for the dining room.
Thursday, Still a whisper. The boy twatwaffle was going to spend a few days with a friend so I load them all up, Take them with me, Drop him off and do the grocery shopping. Then I got home. Oh how have I angered the Gods?
I don't even get out of the truck good and Loser comes out "What's for supper?" Seeing as we were going to be busy, I was just going to throw some pizzas in the oven. He says "You may want to think of something else." WHY! "Why would I have to do that? What have you done?"
I get inside and see.......
What have I done to deserve a broken kitchen? But that's not all folks....For the simple act of going out and procuring food stuffs for your family, You also get
Laundry room? What laundry room? Now don't scoff, You still have to take a shower tonight right? And be able to use your bathroom for everyday, bathroom things? Just hold onto your seats because there's more!
Yeah, He's got to go back to work! Not only that, But while breaking up the floor in the laundry room, Guess what he hit? Need a hint? It's big, black and has lots of water running through it. Scratch that, ALL the water running through it. Yes that's right! Give yourself a plastic pony! The main water pipe! About 24 hours of no water,No stove, No washer, No dryer. The fridge was plugged up in the dining room however. Wanna beer? It's right by the napkin rings. Now, My cousin and her husband live around the corner. So her husband comes to help. They did get the floor done in the kitchen WHICH was also pulled up.
It's Friday now. We spent all day shopping for supplies and running all over town. Plywood, pipes, linoleum, all that stuff. We get home and there are people in my house. The cousins husband had come to do some more work. Which included knocking the wall down. The oldest had a date so I dropped them off and came back with the middle ones and sit there and listen to Loser fix stuff. Our date was cancelled. He's been on vacation for over a week and we still haven't done anything with just the 2 of us.
Saturday, A little running around. Not as much going on. And date night is tonight. We get there and I ordered a cosmo. Then another, Then another. 6 later and it's time to stop and pick up a few things we still need. Like wire brushes. Because, Earlier that day I had been reading my blogs and stumbled across this. YAY. However, There are a few things I needed. So I text Loser.
Me: I need lightweight spackle and a wire brush.
Him: What kind of wire brush?
Me: One like for the grill. But the lightweight is important. Make sure it's lightweight!
Him: Okie Dokie.
He gets home, Hands me the spackle and says "Do I even want to know?" No sugar, You don't. Then he says, "I have a brush." But I wanted a new one. Need a new one for a new project. Also had the kids out looking for pretty pine cones all day. My tree shall be FABULOUS!!!!
Sunday and his last day on vacation. I still can't drink vodka. I wake to the sound of a hammer, saw and cussing. With a headache. I hate headaches. But the day gets better. He's smoking ribs. *drool* My niece brought her baby out. It's becoming a Sunday thing which is fantastic. Sat and chilled and just spent some quiet time.
I woke this morning to silence. The kids were quiet, The animals were quiet. I lay there and think, "Finally, The early morning fuckery is gone." At least during work hours. However, I still have no bathroom, My kitchen still has bare plywood floors and my dining room isn't painted. Baby steps I guess.
And this is my cat. His name is Woosa.
Wednesday, Nov 23rd. He comes home from work at around 5:30pm. "THE START OF MY VACATION!"
At 10pm I look at him in his chair and he is swinging his foot and tapping his fingers. Not even 6 hours in and he's getting twitchy. He polished 2 pairs of boots that night. He was still in his uniform! All of this while I'm preparing Thanksgiving Dinner for the next day.
The next morning approaches and I start cooking. Thanksgiving like any other. Just me, him and the twatwaffles this year. Everything came out fantastic. My turkey actually tasted like food and not a white piece of cardboard that you had to smother in gravy.
We ate kind of late that day because, well, I wanted to eat at a normal time and not just have dinner at 2pm. By 7pm, He's ASLEEP on the couch. Now, any other day this wouldn't bother me but this is freakin Thanksgiving and there is a tree to get up! Yeah, I did that by myself.
The day after around here is put aside for a trip to the zoo. We don't do shopping because, Well, I don't want to wrestle a 70 year old woman for a freakin doily to go on my coffee table. It's not worth it to me. Me, Loser and the twatwaffles take off. We have a membership for the zoo so it's much easier through the year. A fairly uneventful vacation so far right? Just hang on to your seats, It gets better.
The next day, We went fishing. I love fishing. However, It was a bit warm that day and there were so many mosquitos that I think I caught west nile before I even cast my line. There I am, Sitting in my chair. Catching fish and woops. Gotta tinkle. In the woods. My ass caught bird flu. Made a little fire so the smoke would keep the skeeters away, ate turkey sammiches and drank a cooler full of tea. It was a fantastic day.
Sunday passed with nothing really happening. Fried chicken it is. Monday it rained and brought a cold front along so it was an inside day. Tuesday! Cold temps and more fishing! No bugs! Small fire to keep us warm and.....MAKE COFFEE IN THE WOODS! "How did you do that?" You ask? WELLLLL I'll tell you. Not having a percolater made things a little tricky but, We're resourceful and shit. First, Get a quart mason jar with the ring,Coffee filter and coffee. Like this
Then you boil your water all crafty like, Like this.
Now, Pour your water over the coffee and Bob's your uncle, COFFEE!!!! Great day of fishing in cold temps, Staying by the fire and chilling wif ma peeps.
Wednesday, we were going to go fishing again, However, Home improvements began. It became one of those In with a whisper type things. Went shopping for a few things. And spent the rest of the day talking about what we were going to do. Cleaning out the laundry room because the floor needed to be replaced and discussing paint colors for the dining room.
Thursday, Still a whisper. The boy twatwaffle was going to spend a few days with a friend so I load them all up, Take them with me, Drop him off and do the grocery shopping. Then I got home. Oh how have I angered the Gods?
I don't even get out of the truck good and Loser comes out "What's for supper?" Seeing as we were going to be busy, I was just going to throw some pizzas in the oven. He says "You may want to think of something else." WHY! "Why would I have to do that? What have you done?"
I get inside and see.......
What have I done to deserve a broken kitchen? But that's not all folks....For the simple act of going out and procuring food stuffs for your family, You also get
Laundry room? What laundry room? Now don't scoff, You still have to take a shower tonight right? And be able to use your bathroom for everyday, bathroom things? Just hold onto your seats because there's more!
Yeah, He's got to go back to work! Not only that, But while breaking up the floor in the laundry room, Guess what he hit? Need a hint? It's big, black and has lots of water running through it. Scratch that, ALL the water running through it. Yes that's right! Give yourself a plastic pony! The main water pipe! About 24 hours of no water,No stove, No washer, No dryer. The fridge was plugged up in the dining room however. Wanna beer? It's right by the napkin rings. Now, My cousin and her husband live around the corner. So her husband comes to help. They did get the floor done in the kitchen WHICH was also pulled up.
It's Friday now. We spent all day shopping for supplies and running all over town. Plywood, pipes, linoleum, all that stuff. We get home and there are people in my house. The cousins husband had come to do some more work. Which included knocking the wall down. The oldest had a date so I dropped them off and came back with the middle ones and sit there and listen to Loser fix stuff. Our date was cancelled. He's been on vacation for over a week and we still haven't done anything with just the 2 of us.
Saturday, A little running around. Not as much going on. And date night is tonight. We get there and I ordered a cosmo. Then another, Then another. 6 later and it's time to stop and pick up a few things we still need. Like wire brushes. Because, Earlier that day I had been reading my blogs and stumbled across this. YAY. However, There are a few things I needed. So I text Loser.
Me: I need lightweight spackle and a wire brush.
Him: What kind of wire brush?
Me: One like for the grill. But the lightweight is important. Make sure it's lightweight!
Him: Okie Dokie.
He gets home, Hands me the spackle and says "Do I even want to know?" No sugar, You don't. Then he says, "I have a brush." But I wanted a new one. Need a new one for a new project. Also had the kids out looking for pretty pine cones all day. My tree shall be FABULOUS!!!!
Sunday and his last day on vacation. I still can't drink vodka. I wake to the sound of a hammer, saw and cussing. With a headache. I hate headaches. But the day gets better. He's smoking ribs. *drool* My niece brought her baby out. It's becoming a Sunday thing which is fantastic. Sat and chilled and just spent some quiet time.
I woke this morning to silence. The kids were quiet, The animals were quiet. I lay there and think, "Finally, The early morning fuckery is gone." At least during work hours. However, I still have no bathroom, My kitchen still has bare plywood floors and my dining room isn't painted. Baby steps I guess.
And this is my cat. His name is Woosa.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Because he "gets" me. I think. I could be wrong.
Me and Loser have been together for 16 years. Married for 15 of those. How does he do it? Is it my charming wit? (aka sarcasm and unboundless amounts of smartass). Is it my fabulous figure? (carrying and giving birth to 3 of HIS babies, All weighing over 8 pounds). Is it my cooking? Ok it might be that.
I like to keep it alive with my stunning repoirte and conversational skills. For example.
Me : I feel sorry for birds, They have no arms.
Him: ......
Seriously. It's fantastic.
I also like to buy him gifts. Just little trinkets that let him know I was thinking of him and how much I love him.
Example #1
Isn't she fabulous!
Example #2
I love surprising him with objects of my devotion.
Example #3
Rest in pieces....Geddit? Kind of like "Till death do us part"
And can you imagine his excitement when he got a text from me saying "I got you something today!"
LOVE IT!!!!! And yes there is a toe missing! It's wonderful. I know he just loves them.
Then there was the time I went shopping and he playfully mentioned "Even you can't spend $400." Come on. Really? Challenge accepted. Apparently he wasn't aware he had issued such a challenge. Then the texting commenced.
Me : No more shopping!
Him: Burnt out?
Me : Yes, You should never have issued that challenge.
Him: What challenge?
Me : Even you can't spend $400.
Him: What?!
Me : Yeah
Him: Wait, You didn't did you?
See how I keep the fire smoldering?
He does things for me too. He knows how much I love Dr Pepper. I love it, Gotta have it, Would put a keg in the fridge if I could. Wait. *makes notes* Things he knows I enjoy, He brings me. Poor guy sent me flowers a couple weeks ago. They arrived. Lilies to be exact (see what I mean about stuff he knows I like?) I took them from the nice man, Got them inside and thought "Oh no, No no no. Shit, damn, hell! There is no way I'm telling this mentally unstable and large husband of mine about this." The flowers arrived in a box. Inside the box was an empty vase. Inside that vase was a bunch of lilies wrapped in plastic. A note was with these "Flowers" Add water to vase and arrange flowers. After I put these flowers in the vase. Which by the way, The vase was too small for the "Arangement" 1 flower was broken, the greenery had brown spots on it, and they had been sitting on a truck for at least 8 hours in the Florida heat. Needless to say, They were kinda wilty.
I looked at the oldest Twatwaffle and was trying to talk her into calling Loser. She wouldn't. I told her "I really do not want to call your father." Needless to say, I did call. And boy was he pissed! Something he had tried doing to cheer me up (I had been in a bad funk for about a week and a half) had totally went down the shitter.
However, After emailing the company, He recieved an online coupon and the chocolate covered strawberries that I got the next week TOTALLY made up for it.
I believe he caught me in a Gollumesque stance over the sink scarfing down the fantastically sweet and huge berries that were lovingly dipped in dark chocolate. (My precious) I did share 1 with him I think. Cuz, I share and shit.
So, It's Sunday, I think I need to get that plastic wrap over the toilet before he gets up. If we have any plastic wrap. OH PLEASE let there be plastic wrap!
I like to keep it alive with my stunning repoirte and conversational skills. For example.
Me : I feel sorry for birds, They have no arms.
Him: ......
Seriously. It's fantastic.
I also like to buy him gifts. Just little trinkets that let him know I was thinking of him and how much I love him.
Example #1
Example #2
Example #3
And can you imagine his excitement when he got a text from me saying "I got you something today!"
LOVE IT!!!!! And yes there is a toe missing! It's wonderful. I know he just loves them.
Then there was the time I went shopping and he playfully mentioned "Even you can't spend $400." Come on. Really? Challenge accepted. Apparently he wasn't aware he had issued such a challenge. Then the texting commenced.
Me : No more shopping!
Him: Burnt out?
Me : Yes, You should never have issued that challenge.
Him: What challenge?
Me : Even you can't spend $400.
Him: What?!
Me : Yeah
Him: Wait, You didn't did you?
See how I keep the fire smoldering?
He does things for me too. He knows how much I love Dr Pepper. I love it, Gotta have it, Would put a keg in the fridge if I could. Wait. *makes notes* Things he knows I enjoy, He brings me. Poor guy sent me flowers a couple weeks ago. They arrived. Lilies to be exact (see what I mean about stuff he knows I like?) I took them from the nice man, Got them inside and thought "Oh no, No no no. Shit, damn, hell! There is no way I'm telling this mentally unstable and large husband of mine about this." The flowers arrived in a box. Inside the box was an empty vase. Inside that vase was a bunch of lilies wrapped in plastic. A note was with these "Flowers" Add water to vase and arrange flowers. After I put these flowers in the vase. Which by the way, The vase was too small for the "Arangement" 1 flower was broken, the greenery had brown spots on it, and they had been sitting on a truck for at least 8 hours in the Florida heat. Needless to say, They were kinda wilty.
I looked at the oldest Twatwaffle and was trying to talk her into calling Loser. She wouldn't. I told her "I really do not want to call your father." Needless to say, I did call. And boy was he pissed! Something he had tried doing to cheer me up (I had been in a bad funk for about a week and a half) had totally went down the shitter.
However, After emailing the company, He recieved an online coupon and the chocolate covered strawberries that I got the next week TOTALLY made up for it.
I believe he caught me in a Gollumesque stance over the sink scarfing down the fantastically sweet and huge berries that were lovingly dipped in dark chocolate. (My precious) I did share 1 with him I think. Cuz, I share and shit.
So, It's Sunday, I think I need to get that plastic wrap over the toilet before he gets up. If we have any plastic wrap. OH PLEASE let there be plastic wrap!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Fevers, Baby showers and other sundry things
My Neice is pregnant. Another one. Seems that alot of people are pregnant these days. Glad I had that taken care of. The log ride is closed people. Keep the line movin. I have a particular soft spot for this neice so I offered to throw her baby shower. I love doing things like that. Cuz I'm the cool aunt. Mom #2 if you will. She can't find her mom, My phone is ringing.
So I invited people. Ordered the cake (Another aunt made it and was perfectly fantastic) Made the food, Stuffed mushrooms, Spinach dip, 5 layer Bean dip, Meatballs, Homemade pink lemonade and a neighbor made pigs in blankets. They were toasty and yummy. Pink Green and White. Green tablecloth with pink and white streamer woven together. Very pretty. Should have gotten a picture. Then I thought. "What would be prettier than just a plain ceiling? So I bought 8 pink and white table cloths from the Dollar Store. Put Loser to work and soon had a dining room that resembled a middle eastern tent at Easter. Bunch 1 end and staple to the ceiling and drape it and staple it to the other side and fantastic.
Pink and White candles burning here and there. Green cups to go with the pink and white plates and such. Balloons everywhere. Furniture arranged so everyone could see and speak to everyone without straining.
I provided the crib. Every first time mommy should have a new crib. And it's fabulously pretty. And the crib set. Butterflies and muted tones. So pretty. All in all, a great shower.
However, What no one really knew was that the previous day, I had been feeling the start of the flu. No sleep, Couldn't breathe, Coughing and so tired I could barely stand. And of course the day before is the day that you have to buy everything because procrastination is fun. So I spent Friday running and running around trying to find everything I needed. Friday night? After I had put all the food together that I could the night before, I spent the rest of the night trying to sleep. 3 whopping hours of sleep. Not continuous either. Just here and there.
Drag my butt out of bed and begin getting the house clean and ready for people I had never met before to grace my beaten up house. Mom + sick + stressed + tired = really cranky. People begin arriving and I was feeling like "Okay, I can make it through this, No problem" We sit and gossip as women tend to do. Loser and the boy child run. My niece arrives with her boyfriend's mother, Which by the way stays for a total of about 15 minutes and then leaves. No, "Sorry I can't stay", Nothing. Rude and insulting? Youbetcha.
We eat, Unwrap presents, eat cake, gossip, and for the life of me I felt as each minute ticked by, I was dying a little. I felt worse and worse as the day wore on. Felt so bad that no games were played. No clothes pins on anyones shirts for catching someone mentioning the word "Baby". And my skin felt funny. I couldn't sit still. I was having a really hard time breathing. I finally asked one of my sisters to feel and see if I felt warm. I hadn't had a fever in like, 15 years so I was kind of confused.
She felt and sure enough, I was warm. I call Loser and ask him to bring home a thermometer. (No I don't have one in the house) I sit and try and be a good hostess without getting too close to anyone in the house. Whatever this is, They don't need it.
After the last piece of cake was eaten and the last "ohhh" and "ahh" was over and everyone had gone home. I was left with a 101.7 fever and a messy house. Thankfully, Loser stepped in and had the kids take care of the decorations and dishes and sent me right to a cool shower and bed.
2 days later and I think I should already be dead. Sleep is coming but feels like I am getting none at all.
So here I sit with Harry Potter movies, True Blood episodes, 2 kinds of cough syrup and coffee (The caffine helps open your lungs), and a roll of toilet paper that is making my nose resemble a tomato. And by the way, When you have a stuffy, runny nose, Disgusting things form on your nose ring.
All in all. I loved throwing the baby shower. And I am actually glad the terribly rude, nasty other grandma didn't stay. I would have hurt her apparently very large feelings. This is my house, bitch. Feeling as bad as I did, It was worth it to see my neice have friends and family around her and getting things she needed for the baby. And, I get to be there when she has it. I get to slip her sprite in her ice chips and make fun of her when weird fluids start leaking from her body.
Hopefully, I don't run a fever that day.
So I invited people. Ordered the cake (Another aunt made it and was perfectly fantastic) Made the food, Stuffed mushrooms, Spinach dip, 5 layer Bean dip, Meatballs, Homemade pink lemonade and a neighbor made pigs in blankets. They were toasty and yummy. Pink Green and White. Green tablecloth with pink and white streamer woven together. Very pretty. Should have gotten a picture. Then I thought. "What would be prettier than just a plain ceiling? So I bought 8 pink and white table cloths from the Dollar Store. Put Loser to work and soon had a dining room that resembled a middle eastern tent at Easter. Bunch 1 end and staple to the ceiling and drape it and staple it to the other side and fantastic.
Pink and White candles burning here and there. Green cups to go with the pink and white plates and such. Balloons everywhere. Furniture arranged so everyone could see and speak to everyone without straining.
I provided the crib. Every first time mommy should have a new crib. And it's fabulously pretty. And the crib set. Butterflies and muted tones. So pretty. All in all, a great shower.
However, What no one really knew was that the previous day, I had been feeling the start of the flu. No sleep, Couldn't breathe, Coughing and so tired I could barely stand. And of course the day before is the day that you have to buy everything because procrastination is fun. So I spent Friday running and running around trying to find everything I needed. Friday night? After I had put all the food together that I could the night before, I spent the rest of the night trying to sleep. 3 whopping hours of sleep. Not continuous either. Just here and there.
Drag my butt out of bed and begin getting the house clean and ready for people I had never met before to grace my beaten up house. Mom + sick + stressed + tired = really cranky. People begin arriving and I was feeling like "Okay, I can make it through this, No problem" We sit and gossip as women tend to do. Loser and the boy child run. My niece arrives with her boyfriend's mother, Which by the way stays for a total of about 15 minutes and then leaves. No, "Sorry I can't stay", Nothing. Rude and insulting? Youbetcha.
We eat, Unwrap presents, eat cake, gossip, and for the life of me I felt as each minute ticked by, I was dying a little. I felt worse and worse as the day wore on. Felt so bad that no games were played. No clothes pins on anyones shirts for catching someone mentioning the word "Baby". And my skin felt funny. I couldn't sit still. I was having a really hard time breathing. I finally asked one of my sisters to feel and see if I felt warm. I hadn't had a fever in like, 15 years so I was kind of confused.
She felt and sure enough, I was warm. I call Loser and ask him to bring home a thermometer. (No I don't have one in the house) I sit and try and be a good hostess without getting too close to anyone in the house. Whatever this is, They don't need it.
After the last piece of cake was eaten and the last "ohhh" and "ahh" was over and everyone had gone home. I was left with a 101.7 fever and a messy house. Thankfully, Loser stepped in and had the kids take care of the decorations and dishes and sent me right to a cool shower and bed.
2 days later and I think I should already be dead. Sleep is coming but feels like I am getting none at all.
So here I sit with Harry Potter movies, True Blood episodes, 2 kinds of cough syrup and coffee (The caffine helps open your lungs), and a roll of toilet paper that is making my nose resemble a tomato. And by the way, When you have a stuffy, runny nose, Disgusting things form on your nose ring.
All in all. I loved throwing the baby shower. And I am actually glad the terribly rude, nasty other grandma didn't stay. I would have hurt her apparently very large feelings. This is my house, bitch. Feeling as bad as I did, It was worth it to see my neice have friends and family around her and getting things she needed for the baby. And, I get to be there when she has it. I get to slip her sprite in her ice chips and make fun of her when weird fluids start leaking from her body.
Hopefully, I don't run a fever that day.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
The Crack of a Bat
I love Fall Ball. It's a totally different game than spring baseball/softball. Not so much competition. No titles to be won and fought over. Fantastic weather. Night games. Hot chocolate and/or coffee. In a nutshell. Lots more fun.
Opening day is October 1st. So until then, Practice, Practice, Practice. Which by the way last nights practice went will mean "learning to dodge the 12 inch, Lime green ball."
See, I have 2 girls and 1 boy. This means 2 with softball and 1 with baseball. Now, For the oldest twatwaffle, This will be her 2nd fall ball season. The other 2, This is thier first. With the oldest being 15, This means there are alot more shennanigans on the field. A bunch of teenage girls with rampaging hormones and someone telling them what to do. Maybe it's not just the older girl's team. Perhaps just girls?
Last nights practice consisted of no fewer than 4 girls taking a ball to the hip, thigh, foot, arm and the coach recieving a broken nose compliments of the new pitcher. Should have worn that face mask. These girls are tough. They may get hit, kicked in the teeth with a pair of cleats, whacked in the head with an aluminum bat, but they don't care. Just don't block the base.
The middle twatwaffle, This is another ball of wax. Quite possibly the clumsiest kid I have ever seen. She can't make it through the day without tripping on at least 2 non-exisistant things. Put her on a field and put a glove on her hand however, And she's a freakin ballerina. Fields the ball like a pro. Puts the ball to the fence. And she will knock you out of the way of that base. Ball to the hip? Who cares? She just takes her base. She's the honey badger of softball.
Now the boy child. *sigh* 9 years old. And they want concentration and focus. Are they not aware that these boys have better things to think about like, say, Sport cups and the newest Pokemon? Drawing pictures in the clay? Seeing how far they can swing the bat before it hits someone? Trying to get the bottle of Gatorade to fit in the holes of the fence? I'm surprised a game can even happen.
BUT! I get to sit and talk to other parents and we make fun of each others kids while we taunt our own when they miss that perfect pitch. Gotta keep it fun folks. My kids gets hit with the ball? "Walk it off chief, It'll heal" or "You couldn't hit it so you let it hit you?" *I antagonize my children all the time and we use insults and taunts as affection. Who are you to judge me?* They turn around, Stare at me, Roll thier eyes and then the next thing you know, Someone's car needs a new windshield. That's parenting folks.
Fall Ball is meant for fun. Not for some egotistical parent that couldn't make it to sit there and scream at thier kids for striking out. It happens. You want to coach? You should have signed up for it. Now sit there and shut up. I go to every game. I watch my kids mess up sometimes. I see them strike out or not even swing. I see them get out on first base. I see them miss that ball that was hit straight at them. Guess what? That's the game. After it's over, I remind them to check thier gloves because there has got to be a hole in it. Or in the bat. Is there a spring in your glove? You do know they didn't move first base right?
Let your kid play ball. Let them make friends. Tell the kids on the team "$20 to whoever puts it over the fence. $40 if it hits the coaches car/truck" That cost me $40 in the spring.
In other words, Bring your chair (Those bleachers are the devils trinkets), Get you a cup of hot chocolate and a corn dog. Then watch your kids make fools of themselves. That's when the good games happen.
Opening day is October 1st. So until then, Practice, Practice, Practice. Which by the way last nights practice went will mean "learning to dodge the 12 inch, Lime green ball."
See, I have 2 girls and 1 boy. This means 2 with softball and 1 with baseball. Now, For the oldest twatwaffle, This will be her 2nd fall ball season. The other 2, This is thier first. With the oldest being 15, This means there are alot more shennanigans on the field. A bunch of teenage girls with rampaging hormones and someone telling them what to do. Maybe it's not just the older girl's team. Perhaps just girls?
Last nights practice consisted of no fewer than 4 girls taking a ball to the hip, thigh, foot, arm and the coach recieving a broken nose compliments of the new pitcher. Should have worn that face mask. These girls are tough. They may get hit, kicked in the teeth with a pair of cleats, whacked in the head with an aluminum bat, but they don't care. Just don't block the base.
The middle twatwaffle, This is another ball of wax. Quite possibly the clumsiest kid I have ever seen. She can't make it through the day without tripping on at least 2 non-exisistant things. Put her on a field and put a glove on her hand however, And she's a freakin ballerina. Fields the ball like a pro. Puts the ball to the fence. And she will knock you out of the way of that base. Ball to the hip? Who cares? She just takes her base. She's the honey badger of softball.
Now the boy child. *sigh* 9 years old. And they want concentration and focus. Are they not aware that these boys have better things to think about like, say, Sport cups and the newest Pokemon? Drawing pictures in the clay? Seeing how far they can swing the bat before it hits someone? Trying to get the bottle of Gatorade to fit in the holes of the fence? I'm surprised a game can even happen.
BUT! I get to sit and talk to other parents and we make fun of each others kids while we taunt our own when they miss that perfect pitch. Gotta keep it fun folks. My kids gets hit with the ball? "Walk it off chief, It'll heal" or "You couldn't hit it so you let it hit you?" *I antagonize my children all the time and we use insults and taunts as affection. Who are you to judge me?* They turn around, Stare at me, Roll thier eyes and then the next thing you know, Someone's car needs a new windshield. That's parenting folks.
Fall Ball is meant for fun. Not for some egotistical parent that couldn't make it to sit there and scream at thier kids for striking out. It happens. You want to coach? You should have signed up for it. Now sit there and shut up. I go to every game. I watch my kids mess up sometimes. I see them strike out or not even swing. I see them get out on first base. I see them miss that ball that was hit straight at them. Guess what? That's the game. After it's over, I remind them to check thier gloves because there has got to be a hole in it. Or in the bat. Is there a spring in your glove? You do know they didn't move first base right?
Let your kid play ball. Let them make friends. Tell the kids on the team "$20 to whoever puts it over the fence. $40 if it hits the coaches car/truck" That cost me $40 in the spring.
In other words, Bring your chair (Those bleachers are the devils trinkets), Get you a cup of hot chocolate and a corn dog. Then watch your kids make fools of themselves. That's when the good games happen.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Sweet Nectar Of The Gods.
Coffee.
Can't get enough of it. Want it all the time. Hot. Cold. Doesn't matter. As long as it's strong. I like the high octane stuff. The kind that makes your cheeks by your back teeth tingle. I like it with chocolate, caramel, Sugar, Evaporated milk, cream (real cream, not that powdered crap).
About a year ago, I talked Loser into buying me a Keurig. I was instantly in love. I made coffee to my heart's content 1 cup at a time. 1 pound of coffee used to last us a week. BUT! Cup by cup, It lasted for a month! How can this be? Were we seriously wasting that much of the most delicious thing on earth? I couldn't believe it. Loser was happy because the cost of coffee went drastically down. He didn't have to make a full pot in case I wanted some and then didn't and then well, There went half a pot of coffee down the drain.
And then, One day, I made a cup of coffee while I cleaned out some drawers. The oldest twatwaffle thought that sounded good and decided to make herself one. Low and behold, She filled the K Cup ( I grind my own beans) chose her favorite cup, Hit the button and.......Nothing. What? "Unplug it and plug it back in." Again, nothing. By this time I was starting to panic. Loser starts looking at me telling me to calm down. CALM DOWN?! HOW CAN I CALM DOWN? My baby is dying and you want me to CALM DOWN?!
After an hour of taking it apart and doing his best, He delivered the bad news. We had lost it. It was over. What are we going to do now? I can't go through my day without coffee. Didn't have a spare coffee maker in the house. Why would I? I had my baby. Nothing else was needed. This couldn't be happening.
And then, He remembered. We were somewhere, (I don't remember where, I was still in shock) and Loser says "Looks like we have to break down the one your sister gave you." What? What is he talking about? and then I remembered. My oldest sister had given me a DeLonghi Espresso machine. It had been quietly waiting on the shelf in my laundry room for it's shining moment.
I brought it down. Read the manual and.....The Gods shone their mercy upon me. I bought a bottle of vanilla syrup from Starbucks and have been making Caramel Machiatos constantly. Want a Mocha? Iced or hot? A little of both? I can do that. How about some straight up espresso? I can do that. The twatwaffles keep saying it smells like Starbucks in here. I DON'T SEE THE PROBLEM!
Who wouldn't want that fantastic coffee, chocolate, nutty caramely smell in the house? Awfully comforting. I have offered everyone that comes in the door a cup of coffee. "Want some coffee? I can make anything you want" I should just buy me an apron and be done with it. A green one. OH! A MERLOTT'S APRON! Then I can combine my love of coffee AND True Blood. That's a post for another day though.
There is only 1 downfall to drinking so much coffee. I had my gallbladder removed 4 years ago. Now if you'll excuse me. I need to visit the little girls room.
Can't get enough of it. Want it all the time. Hot. Cold. Doesn't matter. As long as it's strong. I like the high octane stuff. The kind that makes your cheeks by your back teeth tingle. I like it with chocolate, caramel, Sugar, Evaporated milk, cream (real cream, not that powdered crap).
About a year ago, I talked Loser into buying me a Keurig. I was instantly in love. I made coffee to my heart's content 1 cup at a time. 1 pound of coffee used to last us a week. BUT! Cup by cup, It lasted for a month! How can this be? Were we seriously wasting that much of the most delicious thing on earth? I couldn't believe it. Loser was happy because the cost of coffee went drastically down. He didn't have to make a full pot in case I wanted some and then didn't and then well, There went half a pot of coffee down the drain.
And then, One day, I made a cup of coffee while I cleaned out some drawers. The oldest twatwaffle thought that sounded good and decided to make herself one. Low and behold, She filled the K Cup ( I grind my own beans) chose her favorite cup, Hit the button and.......Nothing. What? "Unplug it and plug it back in." Again, nothing. By this time I was starting to panic. Loser starts looking at me telling me to calm down. CALM DOWN?! HOW CAN I CALM DOWN? My baby is dying and you want me to CALM DOWN?!
After an hour of taking it apart and doing his best, He delivered the bad news. We had lost it. It was over. What are we going to do now? I can't go through my day without coffee. Didn't have a spare coffee maker in the house. Why would I? I had my baby. Nothing else was needed. This couldn't be happening.
And then, He remembered. We were somewhere, (I don't remember where, I was still in shock) and Loser says "Looks like we have to break down the one your sister gave you." What? What is he talking about? and then I remembered. My oldest sister had given me a DeLonghi Espresso machine. It had been quietly waiting on the shelf in my laundry room for it's shining moment.
I brought it down. Read the manual and.....The Gods shone their mercy upon me. I bought a bottle of vanilla syrup from Starbucks and have been making Caramel Machiatos constantly. Want a Mocha? Iced or hot? A little of both? I can do that. How about some straight up espresso? I can do that. The twatwaffles keep saying it smells like Starbucks in here. I DON'T SEE THE PROBLEM!
Who wouldn't want that fantastic coffee, chocolate, nutty caramely smell in the house? Awfully comforting. I have offered everyone that comes in the door a cup of coffee. "Want some coffee? I can make anything you want" I should just buy me an apron and be done with it. A green one. OH! A MERLOTT'S APRON! Then I can combine my love of coffee AND True Blood. That's a post for another day though.
There is only 1 downfall to drinking so much coffee. I had my gallbladder removed 4 years ago. Now if you'll excuse me. I need to visit the little girls room.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Hello? Anyone paying attention?
Blah. Can't seem to concentrate on anything. My typing is off. My brain seems to be someplace way far away. I haven't made a decent joke in days. However, The laundry is done and the supper is on the table. So I guess I'm doing my job. However thankless it may be.
See how happy I am? Mom's long for the day when a husband and 3 kids can watch her searching for 1 shoe for 30 minutes with a look of "What's wrong with you?" And then the next day they look for their ____ *insert object in plain view* for 15 seconds before whining. Knowing I'll find it just to shut them up. Oh I dole out a little sarcasm with said object. Something along the line of "OH! How in the world could you have been expected to see the bat, shoe, underwear etc... sitting in the middle of the floor?"
I think I have housewife syndrome. It's real. Google it.
Twatwaffles are totally unappreciative. Loser falls into bed as soon as humanly possible. While I sit awake wondering What The Hell Else Do I Have To Do?!
How many times do I honestly have to say "The flowers I bought myself died."? Don't ask for a bouquet of imported silver lilies from Transylvania. $10 worth of sunflowers are fantastic.*I don't think those are real, Didn't google* It's what I bought myself. I haven't gotten a flower in over a year.
Date night kind of went out the window. Compliments don't count when you have to ask for them. I love surprises. I'm the kind of girl *heh* that gets totally excited when we leave the house and I don't know where we're going. However, We end up running up to the store for beer.
There are our 3 kids. The oldest twatwaffles boyfriend which I tend to think of as one of my own now so he really doesn't count as extra. And whichever leeches happen to wander in during the day. I don't mind them being here. I love the house being full of kids. But, every now and then a wife has to be alone with her husband. While he's awake.
I know he works alot. I know he's tired. I don't expect him to spend our light bill on a date. I would be ecstatic to grab some cheap chinese and drive to the river.
He seems to be immune to hints. Totally unaware. Lost. Out to lunch. Blind. Pick one. And really, Who wants to be the nagging wife always whining, "Why can't we ever _____?" Or "Why don't you ever ______?"
"Can we ______?" Then it feels like he's just doing it to shut you up. A little hint fellas? Call your wife and tell her to be dressed when you get home. Take her somewhere you think she'd like. Even if it's just for ice cream. Sneak out in the morning and get a cheap bunch of flowers for her to wake up to. She did, after all, Push 3 of your toddler sized spawn with their enormous heads, which by the way, Didn't cone. Just big hairy soft balls shooting out of your vagina. Washes your underwear. Cooks your food just the way you like it. Stays awake for 30 hours in a row so she can take you to work and do all the shopping for the week because she knows you hate it and then put that mask on and laugh and make jokes. Which probably just come from sleep deprivation.
Maybe I've gone off course. But then again, Maybe not.
Of course I have my fabulous bunch of twatwaffles to keep me company. And that they do. They make me laugh. I make them do dishes and sweep floors. Gotta keep em in line. Seems to work out ok. But then again.
A child is all the world to her mother, But not much company.
See how happy I am? Mom's long for the day when a husband and 3 kids can watch her searching for 1 shoe for 30 minutes with a look of "What's wrong with you?" And then the next day they look for their ____ *insert object in plain view* for 15 seconds before whining. Knowing I'll find it just to shut them up. Oh I dole out a little sarcasm with said object. Something along the line of "OH! How in the world could you have been expected to see the bat, shoe, underwear etc... sitting in the middle of the floor?"
I think I have housewife syndrome. It's real. Google it.
Twatwaffles are totally unappreciative. Loser falls into bed as soon as humanly possible. While I sit awake wondering What The Hell Else Do I Have To Do?!
How many times do I honestly have to say "The flowers I bought myself died."? Don't ask for a bouquet of imported silver lilies from Transylvania. $10 worth of sunflowers are fantastic.*I don't think those are real, Didn't google* It's what I bought myself. I haven't gotten a flower in over a year.
Date night kind of went out the window. Compliments don't count when you have to ask for them. I love surprises. I'm the kind of girl *heh* that gets totally excited when we leave the house and I don't know where we're going. However, We end up running up to the store for beer.
There are our 3 kids. The oldest twatwaffles boyfriend which I tend to think of as one of my own now so he really doesn't count as extra. And whichever leeches happen to wander in during the day. I don't mind them being here. I love the house being full of kids. But, every now and then a wife has to be alone with her husband. While he's awake.
I know he works alot. I know he's tired. I don't expect him to spend our light bill on a date. I would be ecstatic to grab some cheap chinese and drive to the river.
He seems to be immune to hints. Totally unaware. Lost. Out to lunch. Blind. Pick one. And really, Who wants to be the nagging wife always whining, "Why can't we ever _____?" Or "Why don't you ever ______?"
"Can we ______?" Then it feels like he's just doing it to shut you up. A little hint fellas? Call your wife and tell her to be dressed when you get home. Take her somewhere you think she'd like. Even if it's just for ice cream. Sneak out in the morning and get a cheap bunch of flowers for her to wake up to. She did, after all, Push 3 of your toddler sized spawn with their enormous heads, which by the way, Didn't cone. Just big hairy soft balls shooting out of your vagina. Washes your underwear. Cooks your food just the way you like it. Stays awake for 30 hours in a row so she can take you to work and do all the shopping for the week because she knows you hate it and then put that mask on and laugh and make jokes. Which probably just come from sleep deprivation.
Maybe I've gone off course. But then again, Maybe not.
Of course I have my fabulous bunch of twatwaffles to keep me company. And that they do. They make me laugh. I make them do dishes and sweep floors. Gotta keep em in line. Seems to work out ok. But then again.
A child is all the world to her mother, But not much company.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
*Snap Snap Click Click Click*
I like photography. Alot. I like to just walk around and snap pictures of things I think are fabulous. If I'm taking pictures of people, I don't like them to pose. I refuse to take the shot if they're posed. I love candid pictures of people. That fantastic shot of a man staring at his wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/dog etc... when they aren't looking with nothing but pure devotion on his face. The twatwaffles in action. Whether they are terrorizing each other or simply making each other laugh uncontrollably, Those are the moments you want on your wall.
Now let's switch to nature shots. You can get alot from just snapping pictures of something weird you see just laying around or something beautiful that you have to pull the car over and get the shot of it. I like getting shots of just about anything I can find. Some people may not find cemeteries beautiful, however.....
One of my favorite places to go really. Years and years of history.
Then again, There are animals and woods and just nature. Different seasons give you different enviornments. Spring gives you flowers in bloom and bright green backdrops.
Summer gives you ripening fruit and great shots of family having fun...
Fall gives you a plethora of photographic fodder. Too much to list really. And apparently I have no Fall or Winter photos on this big black magic box. Drat. I'll do a Fall/Winter blog later.
Let's not forget animals. A trip to the zoo can be a photographers dream.
Now let's switch to nature shots. You can get alot from just snapping pictures of something weird you see just laying around or something beautiful that you have to pull the car over and get the shot of it. I like getting shots of just about anything I can find. Some people may not find cemeteries beautiful, however.....
One of my favorite places to go really. Years and years of history.
Then again, There are animals and woods and just nature. Different seasons give you different enviornments. Spring gives you flowers in bloom and bright green backdrops.
Summer gives you ripening fruit and great shots of family having fun...
Fall gives you a plethora of photographic fodder. Too much to list really. And apparently I have no Fall or Winter photos on this big black magic box. Drat. I'll do a Fall/Winter blog later.
Let's not forget animals. A trip to the zoo can be a photographers dream.
The point is....You don't have to have people sit in a chair or wear matching white shirts with their khakis to have a great picture of something. Just grab a camera, Point and shoot. You never know how great it will come out.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
It's almost that time again!!!
Fall! The best time of the year. Cool weather, Beautiful trees, Crisp breezes that do magical things to your sheets on the clothes line. It's a fantastic time of year. Warm enough to enjoy the day and open all the windows and just cold enough at night for a jacket and maybe an extra blanket. (Or just some extra snuggly stuff *eyebrow waggle*).
Unfortunately for me. This glorious time of year doesn't begin to be glorious until around....Thanksgiving. You kinda start to feel it around Halloween, But then you realize you are still sweating out your entire weeks intake of fluids while you are trick or treating.
In a nut shell. I. Hate. Summer.
I have lived in Florida all of my life and I despise summer. Don't like to sweat. Don't like to be sunburned. Don't like that uncomfortable chafing that happens to the inside of my thighs. Now let's add in some humidity. No amount of hair gel will keep that shit from frizzing. Make up? Every fall I have to search for mine because it hasn't been used in 6 months. Sure, you CAN wear it. But it melts off by 10am. That is the reason some tourists think the south is being invaded by zombies. They come down here and at lunch they see women with hair that looks like a blob of brown,blonde,red cotton candy and half of their faces melting off.
And let's not forget about the bugs in summer. Flies. Flies love heat and humidity. They are everywhere. You can't kill them. More come. Like zombies. Ants. Ants also love heat and humidity. And they also love the spots on the counter where the freakin Twatwaffles leave those damn tops of the popcicles that they cut off. Now, There are 3 pests in Florida that you just have to learn to deal with as they come. Flies, Ants and......Palmetto bugs. Those lovely, huge, cockroaches that come in, Drink, and leave! I hate those damn things.
Now this final bug deserves a paragraph all it's own. Skeeters. Or as we like to call them around here. 747's OF DEATH!!!!! I think I saw one carry off a puppy the other day. And now we have West Nile popping up again. And what do they give you as adivce to avoid this? Well, You have the usual, No standing water. Bug spray. Stay inside during the evenin. And my personal favorite, Wear long sleeves and pants. In Florida. In August. It's 37,462 degrees outside with 105% humidty! I'll just stay inside thanks.
Now can someone tell me why stores stop selling summer products, ie bathing suits, pool supplies, flip flops in August? There is still a month and a half of technical summer. And another 3 months of Florida summer. Is there a reasonable reason for this? It sometimes keeps me awake thinking of this. Because not only do they put my flip flops on clearance in July, But they also put jackets, sweaters, and all winter stuff on clearance in January. When it starts getting cold here. We get a surprise freeze in February and it's a riot.
Anyway, I seem to have gotten off course.
I'm not so patiently waiting for Fall. I want to make my house smell like a red hot and hang my lovely fall decorations. I want to put my pumpkins out and start taking pictures of a southern fall. I want to make my wreath and hang it on my door and I want to be able to light my fabulous candles, Open my windows and hear some say "Wow this is nice" when they see everything I did to my house just for fall.
But come October 1st, It's Halloween all the way baby!
Unfortunately for me. This glorious time of year doesn't begin to be glorious until around....Thanksgiving. You kinda start to feel it around Halloween, But then you realize you are still sweating out your entire weeks intake of fluids while you are trick or treating.
In a nut shell. I. Hate. Summer.
I have lived in Florida all of my life and I despise summer. Don't like to sweat. Don't like to be sunburned. Don't like that uncomfortable chafing that happens to the inside of my thighs. Now let's add in some humidity. No amount of hair gel will keep that shit from frizzing. Make up? Every fall I have to search for mine because it hasn't been used in 6 months. Sure, you CAN wear it. But it melts off by 10am. That is the reason some tourists think the south is being invaded by zombies. They come down here and at lunch they see women with hair that looks like a blob of brown,blonde,red cotton candy and half of their faces melting off.
And let's not forget about the bugs in summer. Flies. Flies love heat and humidity. They are everywhere. You can't kill them. More come. Like zombies. Ants. Ants also love heat and humidity. And they also love the spots on the counter where the freakin Twatwaffles leave those damn tops of the popcicles that they cut off. Now, There are 3 pests in Florida that you just have to learn to deal with as they come. Flies, Ants and......Palmetto bugs. Those lovely, huge, cockroaches that come in, Drink, and leave! I hate those damn things.
Now this final bug deserves a paragraph all it's own. Skeeters. Or as we like to call them around here. 747's OF DEATH!!!!! I think I saw one carry off a puppy the other day. And now we have West Nile popping up again. And what do they give you as adivce to avoid this? Well, You have the usual, No standing water. Bug spray. Stay inside during the evenin. And my personal favorite, Wear long sleeves and pants. In Florida. In August. It's 37,462 degrees outside with 105% humidty! I'll just stay inside thanks.
Now can someone tell me why stores stop selling summer products, ie bathing suits, pool supplies, flip flops in August? There is still a month and a half of technical summer. And another 3 months of Florida summer. Is there a reasonable reason for this? It sometimes keeps me awake thinking of this. Because not only do they put my flip flops on clearance in July, But they also put jackets, sweaters, and all winter stuff on clearance in January. When it starts getting cold here. We get a surprise freeze in February and it's a riot.
Anyway, I seem to have gotten off course.
I'm not so patiently waiting for Fall. I want to make my house smell like a red hot and hang my lovely fall decorations. I want to put my pumpkins out and start taking pictures of a southern fall. I want to make my wreath and hang it on my door and I want to be able to light my fabulous candles, Open my windows and hear some say "Wow this is nice" when they see everything I did to my house just for fall.
But come October 1st, It's Halloween all the way baby!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
It's Over
I know I'm late on this. But I have needed a little while to deal with my own sadness and stuff. I'm not good at dealing with change. People taken from me. It hurts. I don't care for it. After so long of being together, It was just too painful to address at the time he left.
Now. I think I'm starting to deal with the loss.
Harry Potter. A love afair that interfered with Loser and the Twatwaffles at times. (Mom's reading darlin, Have a bowl of cereal.) They knew when I got a new book that I wasn't to be talked to if that book was open. I have been known to throw things when interupted. I love all of the books. I love all of the movies. Yes I cried when characters died. Yes I celebrated when He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was defeated once more. Yes I got a little misty eyed when Harry and Ginny finally realized they needed each other.
My fabulous housemates can't seem to grasp my fascination with Harry. I don't care if they get it. Reading the books gives me a chance to run away to a magical world and be there instead of here. If only in my mind. The movies are another way for me to relax.
So when Loser said "We're going to see HP7 pt 2" I was fantastically excited. I'm not able to go to midnight showings or the day it comes out. I see them when I find time to go see them. And we saw it in 3D. It was wonderfully done. And I cried. Quite a few times. Loser went with me and saw it, But it's really not his thing. The whole time he's saying "You're going to have to explain this to me."
But then again. Half of the time when we go see a new one, I'm sighing and sucking my teeth over something they left out of the movie. I couldn't believe they left out most of the wedding, And Harry's birthday party. That was disappointing.
But that's ok. I plan on making a pilgrimage to Universal soon. Well, Probably not soon. I want to go after the new has worn off so I can spend 3 days there and not fight people to see the smallest attraction and be pushed along. I hate that. Me and Loser and maybe the kids (They don't like Harry as much as I do. Breaks my heart) 3-4 days, and all the Butterbeer I can drink. Oh I can't wait.
*for those of you who don't know what this picture is, YOU SHOULDA READ THE BOOK!*
Now. I think I'm starting to deal with the loss.
Harry Potter. A love afair that interfered with Loser and the Twatwaffles at times. (Mom's reading darlin, Have a bowl of cereal.) They knew when I got a new book that I wasn't to be talked to if that book was open. I have been known to throw things when interupted. I love all of the books. I love all of the movies. Yes I cried when characters died. Yes I celebrated when He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was defeated once more. Yes I got a little misty eyed when Harry and Ginny finally realized they needed each other.
My fabulous housemates can't seem to grasp my fascination with Harry. I don't care if they get it. Reading the books gives me a chance to run away to a magical world and be there instead of here. If only in my mind. The movies are another way for me to relax.
So when Loser said "We're going to see HP7 pt 2" I was fantastically excited. I'm not able to go to midnight showings or the day it comes out. I see them when I find time to go see them. And we saw it in 3D. It was wonderfully done. And I cried. Quite a few times. Loser went with me and saw it, But it's really not his thing. The whole time he's saying "You're going to have to explain this to me."
But then again. Half of the time when we go see a new one, I'm sighing and sucking my teeth over something they left out of the movie. I couldn't believe they left out most of the wedding, And Harry's birthday party. That was disappointing.
But that's ok. I plan on making a pilgrimage to Universal soon. Well, Probably not soon. I want to go after the new has worn off so I can spend 3 days there and not fight people to see the smallest attraction and be pushed along. I hate that. Me and Loser and maybe the kids (They don't like Harry as much as I do. Breaks my heart) 3-4 days, and all the Butterbeer I can drink. Oh I can't wait.
*for those of you who don't know what this picture is, YOU SHOULDA READ THE BOOK!*
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Coupons & Addiction
Some of you may remember another post about my so-called-addiction. If not,
http://smokindrinkinmomma.blogspot.com/2011/06/addicted-of-course-not.html
I realized last night that I had no, And I mean NO candles in this house. Not even a tea light. How could I have let myself run out of candles? I'm sure this is the first sign of the Zombie Apocalypse. So, I'll be boarding up the house after this. I mentioned this to Loser this morning and his reaction was "Oh that's a shame". No shock in his voice at all. We can't have that.
We decided to take the twatwaffles to dinner and low and behold, There was a Bed Bath & Beyond right across the street. (ok so yeah, I knew it was there and maybe I DID plant the idea of 5 guys for supper but hey, Ya gotta do what you gotta do).
I very simply and somewhat shyly asked, "Hey, You think we could stop and see if they have any candles on sale when we're done? Ya know, Since we're right here and all?" Oh my. After 15 years of marriage, He still falls for it. Get the soul sucking leeches in the truck and he sighs and says "Where is this place?" I just kinda gave a general direction. Still playing the "You don't have to do this if you don't want to" game. And then we were there.
That place is my Home Depot. Straight to the back and there was a choir of angels singing from above. There was every scent imaginable. And then, I looked at the clearance section. Cuz, That's how I roll. ALWAYS go there first. And I'm gunna tell ya why. What's my favorite scent? Garden Sweetpea. It smells clean and fabulous. What's another favorite? CINNAMON! Not that sugary cinnamon crap. But the cinnamon that makes the kids say "It smells like a red hot in here". AND what did I find on the clearance shelves? Glad you asked.
Mmmmmm, Cinnamon. Made the total about $38.00. For 3 candles. With my coupon? $28.00. Now that was the first transaction. I couldn't just get $10.00 off now could I?
Next was this. The tall tumbler, The last 3 wick, and these. Now yes, I know I reached the $25.00 mark with just the 2 big candles, But these are clean smells. And I really wanted them. They were a whopping $.99. "I have another coupon please and thanks."
$31.00 turns into $21.00.
I'm not sure Loser realized how much money I just saved him. Yes I spent $50 on candles. But I spent $50 on candles that are fantastic and last a LONG time. And I'm saving the cinnamon ones for fall. I got home and added up what I would have spent if they weren't on sale and I didn't have coupons.
I bought $100.00 in candles for $49.00. Because I make him buy me candles and I manipulate him (he likes it) but I do it with compassion.
So, He bought me candles today. Lots of big, fantastic, fabulous smelling candles that were on sale. I guess I can't ask for anymore for another month or so. That's ok though. I got coupons.
http://smokindrinkinmomma.blogspot.com/2011/06/addicted-of-course-not.html
I realized last night that I had no, And I mean NO candles in this house. Not even a tea light. How could I have let myself run out of candles? I'm sure this is the first sign of the Zombie Apocalypse. So, I'll be boarding up the house after this. I mentioned this to Loser this morning and his reaction was "Oh that's a shame". No shock in his voice at all. We can't have that.
We decided to take the twatwaffles to dinner and low and behold, There was a Bed Bath & Beyond right across the street. (ok so yeah, I knew it was there and maybe I DID plant the idea of 5 guys for supper but hey, Ya gotta do what you gotta do).
I very simply and somewhat shyly asked, "Hey, You think we could stop and see if they have any candles on sale when we're done? Ya know, Since we're right here and all?" Oh my. After 15 years of marriage, He still falls for it. Get the soul sucking leeches in the truck and he sighs and says "Where is this place?" I just kinda gave a general direction. Still playing the "You don't have to do this if you don't want to" game. And then we were there.
That place is my Home Depot. Straight to the back and there was a choir of angels singing from above. There was every scent imaginable. And then, I looked at the clearance section. Cuz, That's how I roll. ALWAYS go there first. And I'm gunna tell ya why. What's my favorite scent? Garden Sweetpea. It smells clean and fabulous. What's another favorite? CINNAMON! Not that sugary cinnamon crap. But the cinnamon that makes the kids say "It smells like a red hot in here". AND what did I find on the clearance shelves? Glad you asked.
Is this a sign or what? This is the Gods demanding me to buy candles. As many as I can carry.Or make the kids carry. These fantastic, 3 wick candles are huge. And regular price is $19.99. marked down to $9.99. The tall one? Regular $24.99. Marked down to? $14.99.
Now there is something Loser didn't know. If you read the post up there^^^, You'll know that even though I love torturing him, I do so with as little money spent as possible. Oh Yes. Not only was I shopping from the clearance shelf, I HAD COUPONS! $10
.00 off $25.00 or more. 2 of them.
So what did I do? 2 of the 3 wick candles and this
Mmmmmm, Cinnamon. Made the total about $38.00. For 3 candles. With my coupon? $28.00. Now that was the first transaction. I couldn't just get $10.00 off now could I?
Next was this. The tall tumbler, The last 3 wick, and these. Now yes, I know I reached the $25.00 mark with just the 2 big candles, But these are clean smells. And I really wanted them. They were a whopping $.99. "I have another coupon please and thanks."
$31.00 turns into $21.00.
I'm not sure Loser realized how much money I just saved him. Yes I spent $50 on candles. But I spent $50 on candles that are fantastic and last a LONG time. And I'm saving the cinnamon ones for fall. I got home and added up what I would have spent if they weren't on sale and I didn't have coupons.
I bought $100.00 in candles for $49.00. Because I make him buy me candles and I manipulate him (he likes it) but I do it with compassion.
So, He bought me candles today. Lots of big, fantastic, fabulous smelling candles that were on sale. I guess I can't ask for anymore for another month or so. That's ok though. I got coupons.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Parenting, Sometimes it's fun.
I like to think I'm an ok mom. I don't like to harp on the kids on things they should be doing. Because I shouldn't have to tell them twice. As they are here. At the house. All day. Every day, There are certain responsibilities that they are assigned. I don't live here by myself, Therefore I shouldn't clean it by myself. And by golly, How are they going to keep their houses & clothes clean if they don't learn how to do it?
Rewind to this past weekend. I had asked them, very nicely I might add, To pick up the living room and to wash the dishes. And anyone who's grown up in a half way normal, Non spoiling, Kids don't have chores house knows that, "Wash the dishes" means, Do the dishes, clean and/or bleach the counter, sweep the floors etc.... In short, Do the dishes = CLEAN THE KITCHEN! How this has escaped their notice is beyond me.
The living room apparently is another room that baffles them. Not my fault. I've taught them how to do it. They just choose not to.
So Saturday night, My "mom" switch flipped. I turned to Loser and said, "I had planned on making Sunday Supper tomorrow, But now I'm not cooking a damned thing." I was going to fry chicken, smashed taters, green beans, biscuits and fried okra. Not this momma. He decided to begin the "Whoa Whoa Whoa, What did I do?" And I politely told him that if I am punished right along with the kids by him, Well then, How's this taste buddy?
I do believe he thought I was bluffing.
However, When he had to drive the kids to Burger King for supper. I think they got the message. I gave them Monday to redeem their poor lecherous souls. Poor, clueless twatwaffles.
My oldest is the one that takes up the slack for the other 2 just so she doesn't have to listen to me. I gave her the day off. Gave the younger 2 their perspective jobs.
#1. The living room. I want the carpet vacummed (even though it's ugly and stained, It can still be clean). I want under the couches cleaned. Cushions off the couches and vacummed. Tables cleaned and waxed. TV cleaned. Covers off dog beds and washed. Candles lit and on tables.
#2. The dining room. Table cleaned. Chairs pulled out and the carpet vacummed. Floor swept where there is no carpet.
#3. The bathroom. Tub scrubbed (inside and out). Toilet scrubbed. Sink scrubbed. Trash taken out. Floor swept. Carpets taken out.
#4. The kitchen! Dishes done. Counters sterilized. Drain tray bleached Bleach is the most fantastic thing ever). Microwave cleaned (inside and out). Floor cleaned. Mat in front of the sink taken out and cleaned. Stove cleaned. Trash taken out and the can sprayed.
I do believe I am hated now. But I think the message is sinking in. Especially when I am walking through the house and pointing out tiny pieces of paper they have missed on the floor. Or stains on the counter they missed. Dirty clothes laying on the floor of the laundry room (which by the way is an extension of the kitchen).
By noon, They were seething, Irritated little blobs. I was blissfully happy.
Today is going to be great. And if they don't get the hint before the weekend, It's dollar menu with Dad on Sunday.
Rewind to this past weekend. I had asked them, very nicely I might add, To pick up the living room and to wash the dishes. And anyone who's grown up in a half way normal, Non spoiling, Kids don't have chores house knows that, "Wash the dishes" means, Do the dishes, clean and/or bleach the counter, sweep the floors etc.... In short, Do the dishes = CLEAN THE KITCHEN! How this has escaped their notice is beyond me.
The living room apparently is another room that baffles them. Not my fault. I've taught them how to do it. They just choose not to.
So Saturday night, My "mom" switch flipped. I turned to Loser and said, "I had planned on making Sunday Supper tomorrow, But now I'm not cooking a damned thing." I was going to fry chicken, smashed taters, green beans, biscuits and fried okra. Not this momma. He decided to begin the "Whoa Whoa Whoa, What did I do?" And I politely told him that if I am punished right along with the kids by him, Well then, How's this taste buddy?
I do believe he thought I was bluffing.
However, When he had to drive the kids to Burger King for supper. I think they got the message. I gave them Monday to redeem their poor lecherous souls. Poor, clueless twatwaffles.
My oldest is the one that takes up the slack for the other 2 just so she doesn't have to listen to me. I gave her the day off. Gave the younger 2 their perspective jobs.
#1. The living room. I want the carpet vacummed (even though it's ugly and stained, It can still be clean). I want under the couches cleaned. Cushions off the couches and vacummed. Tables cleaned and waxed. TV cleaned. Covers off dog beds and washed. Candles lit and on tables.
#2. The dining room. Table cleaned. Chairs pulled out and the carpet vacummed. Floor swept where there is no carpet.
#3. The bathroom. Tub scrubbed (inside and out). Toilet scrubbed. Sink scrubbed. Trash taken out. Floor swept. Carpets taken out.
#4. The kitchen! Dishes done. Counters sterilized. Drain tray bleached Bleach is the most fantastic thing ever). Microwave cleaned (inside and out). Floor cleaned. Mat in front of the sink taken out and cleaned. Stove cleaned. Trash taken out and the can sprayed.
I do believe I am hated now. But I think the message is sinking in. Especially when I am walking through the house and pointing out tiny pieces of paper they have missed on the floor. Or stains on the counter they missed. Dirty clothes laying on the floor of the laundry room (which by the way is an extension of the kitchen).
By noon, They were seething, Irritated little blobs. I was blissfully happy.
Monday, July 18, 2011
It's all falling apart!
Ok. Me and Loser have been homeowners for the past 14 years. We are in our early 30's and are halfway through our mortgage.Score! However. A 14 year old, 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom doublewide (we bought 3 acres of land and we couldn't afford to buy a house) is falling to pieces a little at a time. Doors fall off hinges. Floors get a little spongy from 14 years of fabulous Florida humidity and bathtubs and washing machines overflowing. Siding starts to look a little more worn every year. Holes in the sheetrock. And what the hell is the problem with skirting? That crap never lasts.
I sit in my living room and look around. I see boxes of crap that we took out of storage because I hated paying that much money to rude, nasty people every month. The floor we put down 10 years ago is coming up so there are bare patches everywhere. The kids' bedroom doors are gone from years of slamming and abuse. The kids' bathroom mirror was broken a while back. The linoleum in the kitchen is stained from crap falling on it and the washing machine overflowing quite a few times. (we have terrible luck with appliances)
I sit and think *It's a 14 year old double wide. They weren't meant to last forever* However, It still burns my ass that it looks crappy. Soon we are building a shed to store all the stuff we had in storage. We are planning on recarpeting the living room and dining room because I hate hardwood. I like to be barefoot and hate walking on dirt. I would be sweeping and swiffering all day long. Running a vacuum around once a day seems much better. And it's warmer in the winter. Suck it up.
I'm repainting both rooms and hopefully the kitchen. I have NEW furniture. The very first set of new furniture I have ever had. I was always leary of it with the kids. I have tablezilla in my dining room. It's big, wooden and seats 10 people. I LOVE this table.
The yard is another ball of grass altogether. Not much grows in the front half of the yard. The back part, By the house has fantastic, thick, green grass. I just can't for the life of me think of anything to do with it. Wait. I know JUST what I want to do with it.
And herein lies the main problem. All this crap costs mucho monies. So until I get word that the rich uncle I didn't know about kicks it and leaves me all his money or I come up with the next big internet scam, I'll just sit on my loverly new couch, Look at my horrible floor, Glare at the boxes that seem to mock me even more every day of my life and weep into my very strong alocoholic drink.
Very strong.
And by the way, It may be old, falling apart and ugly But IT'S CLEAN DAMNIT!
I sit in my living room and look around. I see boxes of crap that we took out of storage because I hated paying that much money to rude, nasty people every month. The floor we put down 10 years ago is coming up so there are bare patches everywhere. The kids' bedroom doors are gone from years of slamming and abuse. The kids' bathroom mirror was broken a while back. The linoleum in the kitchen is stained from crap falling on it and the washing machine overflowing quite a few times. (we have terrible luck with appliances)
I sit and think *It's a 14 year old double wide. They weren't meant to last forever* However, It still burns my ass that it looks crappy. Soon we are building a shed to store all the stuff we had in storage. We are planning on recarpeting the living room and dining room because I hate hardwood. I like to be barefoot and hate walking on dirt. I would be sweeping and swiffering all day long. Running a vacuum around once a day seems much better. And it's warmer in the winter. Suck it up.
I'm repainting both rooms and hopefully the kitchen. I have NEW furniture. The very first set of new furniture I have ever had. I was always leary of it with the kids. I have tablezilla in my dining room. It's big, wooden and seats 10 people. I LOVE this table.
The yard is another ball of grass altogether. Not much grows in the front half of the yard. The back part, By the house has fantastic, thick, green grass. I just can't for the life of me think of anything to do with it. Wait. I know JUST what I want to do with it.
And herein lies the main problem. All this crap costs mucho monies. So until I get word that the rich uncle I didn't know about kicks it and leaves me all his money or I come up with the next big internet scam, I'll just sit on my loverly new couch, Look at my horrible floor, Glare at the boxes that seem to mock me even more every day of my life and weep into my very strong alocoholic drink.
Very strong.
And by the way, It may be old, falling apart and ugly But IT'S CLEAN DAMNIT!
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Love the scary stuff.
I love horror movies. Alot. Like, ALOT alot. Zombies, Vampires, Demons rampaging the earth, Supernatural scariness, Mindbending thirllers that make you scratch your head at the end of the movie and think "What did I watch? I have to watch that again". I love it.
I love sitting in the dark with ear buds and no one around (Loser doesn't like them so much) and have the crap scared out of me. I yearn for that uncomfortable feeling that good horror movies give you.
I have been watching them since I was about 4. I can rememnber sitting on the couch with my mom watching "The Howling" and loving every minute of it. I remember some movie that had a beach and something lived under the sand and pulled people under. I LOVED IT! I was never into the killer animal movies like Jaws. That wasn't scary to me. Stupid people swimming in a sharks refrigerator. What did they expect?
Now I have been watching horror movies for around 25+ years. It takes alot to scare me anymore. There are 2 movies that scare me. Well, not scare me but have things in it that scare me.
#1. The Exorcist. Not the whole movie. There is a creepy "Holy Crap" vibe to it. But WTF IS UP WITH THIS?!
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I mean seriously. Was this necessary? Were they just trying to make me pee my pants and have a mini heart attack? And they can't just show it. They have to be all sneaky about it. "Oh it's just a dark room and she's alone. HOLY S*#T WHAT WAS THAT?" Not fair.
#2. Poltergiest Part 2. Now I love the first one. And don't get me wrong. It scared the crap out of me. The tree freaked me out. And the pool in the rain! (which were all actual human skeletons by the way). But part 2 had an especially delicious bit of evil.
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I love sitting in the dark with ear buds and no one around (Loser doesn't like them so much) and have the crap scared out of me. I yearn for that uncomfortable feeling that good horror movies give you.
I have been watching them since I was about 4. I can rememnber sitting on the couch with my mom watching "The Howling" and loving every minute of it. I remember some movie that had a beach and something lived under the sand and pulled people under. I LOVED IT! I was never into the killer animal movies like Jaws. That wasn't scary to me. Stupid people swimming in a sharks refrigerator. What did they expect?
Now I have been watching horror movies for around 25+ years. It takes alot to scare me anymore. There are 2 movies that scare me. Well, not scare me but have things in it that scare me.
#1. The Exorcist. Not the whole movie. There is a creepy "Holy Crap" vibe to it. But WTF IS UP WITH THIS?!
I mean seriously. Was this necessary? Were they just trying to make me pee my pants and have a mini heart attack? And they can't just show it. They have to be all sneaky about it. "Oh it's just a dark room and she's alone. HOLY S*#T WHAT WAS THAT?" Not fair.
#2. Poltergiest Part 2. Now I love the first one. And don't get me wrong. It scared the crap out of me. The tree freaked me out. And the pool in the rain! (which were all actual human skeletons by the way). But part 2 had an especially delicious bit of evil.
What the hell were they thinking?! This still makes me want to beat the crap out of something every time I see it. And OH Loser doesn't like horror movies but he simply can't pass up a chance to come up behind me and start his "Hello little girl" crap. He knows it makes me freak. This man is so freakishly scary to me it makes me a bit unstable.
Now, My loverly twatwaffles are being indoctrinated into my very own little "Horror Club". They love the scary as much as I do. So when I saw that "Insidious" was coming to DVD, WELL THEN, We have to see that. So I get it. I decide to watch it (as I do all movies before the kids watch them) Everyone in the house was asleep. I popped in my ear buds, Turned out all the lights, popped it into my computer and hit play.
Holy Mother Of All Things Holy!
I had to stop it 3 times. I washed dishes, Did laundry, Made myself a cup of coffee. It has been years since I enjoyed being that scared. It may have been somewhat enviornmental but Wow. If you like scary movies, Watch it. In the dark, With the volume loud. I won't give any spoilers but shazam.
I rarely read reviews because, Hey, Everyone's taste is different. But I read some after I watched this fabulous piece of film and everyone seems to agree. You will need a valuim at some point in this movie.
SO , Hit the redbox, Buy it, Borrow it, Whatever you have to do. But watch this movie.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
*achoo*
I have allergies. Lots of them. I hate them. My eyes are itchy, red and watery. My nose is red and swollen with stuff coming out of it. My chest is itchy and coughy and my throat feels like the honeymoon suite for 2 porcupines. Needless to say, I look like Jimmy Durante with a hangover.
I'm waiting on the Zyrtec to start working. The benedryl doesn't work anymore. And don't give me that crap about "Oh well "Make you not blow snot out your nose on your husband amine" doesn't make you tired and works GREAT!" Bullshit. The stuff that makes you loopy in the allergy meds is what stops the sneezing, coughing, watery eye crap. Antihistamines make you stoned and tired.
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My current use of toilet paper makes me glad I buy double rolls. You can always tell when Momma has the allergy demons knocking on her door. There is a trail of empty toilet paper
rolls coming from the bedroom and a mountain of snot rags on the bed. I LOVE the anti viral kleenex but damn. $3 a box of $5 for 12 rolls of TP? I know what I need.
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I hate my allergies. They make me feel like a bird and a pig did it in my bedroom closet and gave me a mutated combo of avian and bird flu. Achy, coughy, sneezy. Makes me gross. And let's not forget about the headaches. Aren't those beautifully fantastic? You get a simple headache and then the coughing and sneezing turn it into a massive, hideous glob of head pain like no other. Just on this side of a migraine.
So now I'm going to double dose on antihistamines and see if I can walk through my house without breaking something or having someone laugh at me. I may or may not end up on Youtube.
I'm waiting on the Zyrtec to start working. The benedryl doesn't work anymore. And don't give me that crap about "Oh well "Make you not blow snot out your nose on your husband amine" doesn't make you tired and works GREAT!" Bullshit. The stuff that makes you loopy in the allergy meds is what stops the sneezing, coughing, watery eye crap. Antihistamines make you stoned and tired.
My current use of toilet paper makes me glad I buy double rolls. You can always tell when Momma has the allergy demons knocking on her door. There is a trail of empty toilet paper
rolls coming from the bedroom and a mountain of snot rags on the bed. I LOVE the anti viral kleenex but damn. $3 a box of $5 for 12 rolls of TP? I know what I need.
I hate my allergies. They make me feel like a bird and a pig did it in my bedroom closet and gave me a mutated combo of avian and bird flu. Achy, coughy, sneezy. Makes me gross. And let's not forget about the headaches. Aren't those beautifully fantastic? You get a simple headache and then the coughing and sneezing turn it into a massive, hideous glob of head pain like no other. Just on this side of a migraine.
So now I'm going to double dose on antihistamines and see if I can walk through my house without breaking something or having someone laugh at me. I may or may not end up on Youtube.
Friday, July 8, 2011
I love peaches.
Peaches. The fabulous fruit from fruity fruit trees of summer. (couldn't think of a "F" word for summer). I love them. Anyway I can get them. My favorite however is the big, ripe fuzzy fresh peach that takes both hands to hold and you have to eat it over the kitchen sink with a dishtowel under your chin. *drool*
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I like my cheap wine. It likes me. And is actually quite tastey. AND IT WAS $1 OFF!!!!!!
SCORE! Now to eat my dove bar and finish off this bottle.
However, They are only in season for a very short time. Living in the south means I get the pick of the best. This year, I made jam. Lots and lots of jam. It's fantasticaly peachy.
The best way, On a biscuit. The way it's freakin supposed to be!
Growing up, I thought there were only 4 flavors of ice cream. Chocolate, Vanilla, Peppermint and PEACH! There is nothing more fantastically fabulously delicious than fresh peach ice cream. I need an ice cream maker. I need one quickfastandinahurry.
Needless to say, I love peaches. So imagine my joy when I turned the corner at the store and there is a bottle of wine staring at me. Not just any wine. PEACH wine! And not just peach wine. Peach wine with a $1 off coupon hanging on it. Oh sweet peach gods, You have smiled upon me. Ok so it wasn't the best, most expensive wine to begin with. But I don't have the most sophisticated palate in the world and I am quite happy with a bottle of cheap wine. A bottle of cheap peach wine. That was $1 cheaper than all the other bottles. My glass holds half a bottle at a time. At this moment, I'm half a bottle down. Soon, I won't be able to read this thouroughly.
I like my cheap wine. It likes me. And is actually quite tastey. AND IT WAS $1 OFF!!!!!!
SCORE! Now to eat my dove bar and finish off this bottle.
It's Alive!!!!!
Ok so, my hair. Many nights have been spent fighting the apparent living thing on top of my head. I swear I can hear the strands talking to each other in the night when they think I'm not listening.
"Ok, so tonight, You 2 wrap around each other and go to the right. And you, Yeah you guys over there, You go to the left. Everyone else, Go up."
I do everything I can to calm it. Gel, Flat Irons, Round Brushes and Blow Dryers. It stays put for a couple hours. But it has ADD. It does what the hell it wants. "Want me to stay down? Spend 45 minutes making me straight? WELLLLL THEN. Watch this!"
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This is what I start with. You see the additude I put up with? Cheeky bitches, Every strand. I start with washing. Then towel dry. Add some gel and let that set for about 20 minutes then blow it out. I usually let that cool down until my flat iron is heated up nice and hot so I can abuse it a little more. Then I flatten the shit out of it.
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It doesn't stay this way for long. It's a constant battle. I think it's just time to have my hair wrangler cut the back shorter. That seems to be my hooligan section. They never behave. I can make it stay down in the front pretty good. But the back hates me. They're plotting on me now. Thinking I can't hear them over the *tic tic tic* of the keyboard. That and the constant snore/fart combo from Loser. I really need to cut back on his mexican food.
Yeah, most assuredly it's the back of my head that's the problem. I'll be taking care of that this weekend. I hope. Probably not. But where's the harm in hoping right?
"Ok, so tonight, You 2 wrap around each other and go to the right. And you, Yeah you guys over there, You go to the left. Everyone else, Go up."
I do everything I can to calm it. Gel, Flat Irons, Round Brushes and Blow Dryers. It stays put for a couple hours. But it has ADD. It does what the hell it wants. "Want me to stay down? Spend 45 minutes making me straight? WELLLLL THEN. Watch this!"
This is what I start with. You see the additude I put up with? Cheeky bitches, Every strand. I start with washing. Then towel dry. Add some gel and let that set for about 20 minutes then blow it out. I usually let that cool down until my flat iron is heated up nice and hot so I can abuse it a little more. Then I flatten the shit out of it.
It doesn't stay this way for long. It's a constant battle. I think it's just time to have my hair wrangler cut the back shorter. That seems to be my hooligan section. They never behave. I can make it stay down in the front pretty good. But the back hates me. They're plotting on me now. Thinking I can't hear them over the *tic tic tic* of the keyboard. That and the constant snore/fart combo from Loser. I really need to cut back on his mexican food.
Yeah, most assuredly it's the back of my head that's the problem. I'll be taking care of that this weekend. I hope. Probably not. But where's the harm in hoping right?
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
"She's the weird one"
I am the youngest of 6 children. I have 4 sisters and 1 brother. All the others seem to be, In society's eyes, Normal. And then there is me. I don't do the things I do for shock value or attention. I simply do them because I like the things I do.
What could she possibly do? Well then, let me introduce you to my eccentricites.
#1. Tattoos. I love tattoos. Every one I have means somethingsand I am well aware what will happen when I am older. I get to stretch my skin back out and play "Guess that tat". I currently have 6 tattoos. Ranging from a mother's tattoo of butterflies in the colors of my kid's birthstones to a spur of the moment executioner on my leg. I have much more planned. Some with deep meaning and some that I just think "Holy Shit, that would be such a cute/pretty/wicked/weird tattoo. I love the feeling of a tattoo needle. I love the smell of green soap. I will always want tattoos. I just can't afford them when I want them.
#2. Piercings. Again. I love piercings. I have had 7 piercings. Some I have taken out and some I have kept. I have had my tongue, eyebrow, cartilidge in my ear, double ear (does that count?) and my nose twice. I currently have 1 nose ring and my ears. My favorite by far was my eyebrow. But it fell out in my sleep and closed before I could find it. (Ok I was lazy and didn't really look for it but just happened upon it 3 weeks later in my bathroom floor). I will get it redone.
#3. My hair. Come on people. Lighten up. It's only hair. You cut it and it grows back. You can color it and if you don't like it, Color it back. I grew up with VERY long hair and now it bugs the ever loving shit out of me if it touches my collar. I like the inverted bob. Hair color. Now that's a different story. I have had black with bright red streaks, Black with blue streaks, Burgundy, Pure black, brown, So many different colors. And ridiculed by my "loving" family for every choice. Tough shit. Ya aint my daddy and ya don't pay my bills.
Needless to say, I am comfortable in different skins. The people that I truely love (even if they don't feel the same) may not like it, but it's me. I accept them no matter what they wear or how they look.
Loser never comments on what I do. He never knows what he'll come home to. I have shown up with 13 inches of hair gone and a ring through my nose. He always says "I love it". The twatwaffles know their way around a tattoo shop. They have some picked out for when they are old enough. I refuse to sign that paper. The oldest wants her lip pierced but can't have it on the softball team.
So this evening when I colored my hair auburn, A color I have never tried, I was a little nervous on how it would look. I thought the black was grown out of my hair so I just started coloring. Rinsed that out, Took a bath, Started the weedeater and took it to my legs, and rinsed the kick ass hair crack out of my hair. WELL, The black wasn't grown out, But that's ok. It is faded enough so that it looks like dark auburn fading into even darker auburn.
Now the big question, How long will it take for someone to notice and when can I get another tattoo!? I have 4 perfect choices but damn they're expensive!
So I guess the point of this post is...Hell I don't know. You'll accept the people you love the way they are or some shit like that.
What could she possibly do? Well then, let me introduce you to my eccentricites.
#1. Tattoos. I love tattoos. Every one I have means somethingsand I am well aware what will happen when I am older. I get to stretch my skin back out and play "Guess that tat". I currently have 6 tattoos. Ranging from a mother's tattoo of butterflies in the colors of my kid's birthstones to a spur of the moment executioner on my leg. I have much more planned. Some with deep meaning and some that I just think "Holy Shit, that would be such a cute/pretty/wicked/weird tattoo. I love the feeling of a tattoo needle. I love the smell of green soap. I will always want tattoos. I just can't afford them when I want them.
#2. Piercings. Again. I love piercings. I have had 7 piercings. Some I have taken out and some I have kept. I have had my tongue, eyebrow, cartilidge in my ear, double ear (does that count?) and my nose twice. I currently have 1 nose ring and my ears. My favorite by far was my eyebrow. But it fell out in my sleep and closed before I could find it. (Ok I was lazy and didn't really look for it but just happened upon it 3 weeks later in my bathroom floor). I will get it redone.
#3. My hair. Come on people. Lighten up. It's only hair. You cut it and it grows back. You can color it and if you don't like it, Color it back. I grew up with VERY long hair and now it bugs the ever loving shit out of me if it touches my collar. I like the inverted bob. Hair color. Now that's a different story. I have had black with bright red streaks, Black with blue streaks, Burgundy, Pure black, brown, So many different colors. And ridiculed by my "loving" family for every choice. Tough shit. Ya aint my daddy and ya don't pay my bills.
Needless to say, I am comfortable in different skins. The people that I truely love (even if they don't feel the same) may not like it, but it's me. I accept them no matter what they wear or how they look.
Loser never comments on what I do. He never knows what he'll come home to. I have shown up with 13 inches of hair gone and a ring through my nose. He always says "I love it". The twatwaffles know their way around a tattoo shop. They have some picked out for when they are old enough. I refuse to sign that paper. The oldest wants her lip pierced but can't have it on the softball team.
So this evening when I colored my hair auburn, A color I have never tried, I was a little nervous on how it would look. I thought the black was grown out of my hair so I just started coloring. Rinsed that out, Took a bath, Started the weedeater and took it to my legs, and rinsed the kick ass hair crack out of my hair. WELL, The black wasn't grown out, But that's ok. It is faded enough so that it looks like dark auburn fading into even darker auburn.
Now the big question, How long will it take for someone to notice and when can I get another tattoo!? I have 4 perfect choices but damn they're expensive!
So I guess the point of this post is...Hell I don't know. You'll accept the people you love the way they are or some shit like that.
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