Because he "gets" me. I think. I could be wrong.

 Me and Loser have been together for 16 years. Married for 15 of those. How does he do it? Is it my charming wit? (aka sarcasm and unboundless amounts of smartass). Is it my fabulous figure? (carrying and giving birth to 3 of HIS babies, All weighing over 8 pounds). Is it my cooking? Ok it might be that.

 I like to keep it alive with my stunning repoirte and conversational skills. For example.

Me : I feel sorry for birds, They have no arms.
Him: ......

 Seriously. It's fantastic.

 I also like to buy him gifts. Just little trinkets that let him know I was thinking of him and how much I love him.

Example #1

 Isn't she fabulous!

 Example #2

I love surprising him with objects of my devotion.

Example #3

 Rest in pieces....Geddit? Kind of like "Till death do us part"

 And can you imagine his excitement when he got a text from me saying "I got you something today!"

LOVE IT!!!!! And yes there is a toe missing! It's wonderful. I know he just loves them.

 Then there was the time I went shopping and he playfully mentioned "Even you can't spend $400." Come on. Really? Challenge accepted. Apparently he wasn't aware he had issued such a challenge. Then the texting commenced.

 Me : No more shopping!
 Him: Burnt out?
 Me : Yes, You should never have issued that challenge.
 Him: What challenge?
 Me : Even you can't spend $400.
 Him: What?!
 Me : Yeah
 Him: Wait, You didn't did you?

 See how I keep the fire smoldering?

 He does things for me too. He knows how much I love Dr Pepper. I love it, Gotta have it, Would put a keg in the fridge if I could. Wait. *makes notes* Things he knows I enjoy, He brings me. Poor guy sent me flowers a couple weeks ago. They arrived. Lilies to be exact (see what I mean about stuff he knows I like?) I took them from the nice man, Got them inside and thought "Oh no, No no no. Shit, damn, hell! There is no way I'm telling this mentally unstable and large husband of mine about this." The flowers arrived in a box. Inside the box was an empty vase. Inside that vase was a bunch of lilies wrapped in plastic. A note was with these "Flowers" Add water to vase and arrange flowers. After I put these flowers in the vase. Which by the way, The vase was too small for the "Arangement" 1 flower was broken, the greenery had brown spots on it, and they had been sitting on a truck for at least 8 hours in the Florida heat. Needless to say, They were kinda wilty.

 I looked at the oldest Twatwaffle and was trying to talk her into calling Loser. She wouldn't. I told her "I really do not want to call your father." Needless to say, I did call. And boy was he pissed! Something he had tried doing to cheer me up (I had been in a bad funk for about a week and a half) had totally went down the shitter.

 However, After emailing the company, He recieved an online coupon and the chocolate covered strawberries that I got the next week TOTALLY made up for it.

 I believe he caught me in a Gollumesque stance over the sink scarfing down the fantastically sweet and huge berries that were lovingly dipped in dark chocolate. (My precious)  I did share 1 with him I think. Cuz, I share and shit.

 So, It's Sunday, I think I need to get that plastic wrap over the toilet before he gets up. If we have any plastic wrap. OH PLEASE let there be plastic wrap!